im like a peanut on the roof, roasting and shit.

So, i regret cutting my hair and what not, it sucks. It grows back though.

It's really hot out in west Sydney these days, the news says it'll be all cold and rainy this weekend though, at least I'll have that to look forward too. Even if my mothers here.

I took some sleeping pills last night, at around 12, i fell asleep 20 minutes later, only to wake up three hours later all angry and pissed off at my dream. I don't like dreams, they bring false hope to situations that really don't need it. Today smell reminds me of a day i went out with John, to chatswood, i don't even know why i mentioned that.

50% of my clothes are in the washing machine right now, i seem to write best with the healthy hum of that good ol' front loader spinning in the background. Theres a really big, old faggot palm tree in my neighbours backyard. I sometimes wonder what would happen to their house if it fell down. They already demolished their old house and built a new one there, it sucked so much balls, because the smell from there dirty little gook house was everywhere for around a week.

Needless to say, i don't like them very much. They sing karaoke in their back yard really loud, you cant even call it singing half the time. Plus they built up the ground of their backyard so that they can see over my fence, and I'm talking about 5 foot 1 Asians here, not 7 foot 3 niggers from Sudan.

Think i got a little carried away there.

I'll probably have more crap to write later, more than likely another loose recolection of times past.

pretty, no?

i feel fear for the last time.

I find myself remembering things, things i don't like to think about.

It was either late November or early December, 2am in the morning. A phone rings, a boy answers, its his best friend and she is crying. Not knowing what to do the boy says the first thing he can think of, frantically asking whats wrong he struggles to keep his composure. She claims nothings wrong but he presses the issue, she gives, her boyfriend is cheating on her as they speak, he's at his 12th grade graduation after party.

They continue to talk until the sun comes up, she has stopped crying and he feels something that has been dormant in him for a while. They say their fair wells and agree to talk soon, they do, but much like every relationship it fades, these days they hardly talk.

They were lovers, conversation came every day.

They are distant, conversation comes once a month.

Situations change, people you can see yourself with forever can be gone in an instant given the right circumstances.

i fell into a burning ring of fire.

i went down down down, and the flames went higher.

and it burns burns burns, the ring of fire.

well played;

Just a general run down of my week, nothing flash.

On Monday i went out my Charles to EB games so he could get his copy of odst at 12.01 am, it started to rain half way there, the other half was filled with me shouting and swearing because i was only wearing my new skinny jean short shorts that i made and a singlet. All in all it was pretty fun.

Tuesday was filled with me sitting around reading allot of Stephen king, 770 pages to be exact. Skeleton crew is really good hey.

Wednesday my parents went away to Brisbane for a wedding i wasn't invited too. There was also a dust storm or something, all i remember is waking up and instead of the usual yellowish white light shining through the one sliver in my curtains, it was a dull red colour. Half expecting to see zombies clawing at my window to get inside and consume my organs, i opened the blinds up and saw the sky all orange and red, it was pretty cool. I later decided i was going to make kebab wrap things for dinner instead of spending the money my parents gave me. They tasted pretty great.

Thursday i just chilled out in my room for the majority of the day, drifting in and out of sleep, watching DVDs and eating nachos. I don't like when people say nachos wrong, like nah-chos not NAH-CHOEZ, it really bugs me.

Friday i played xbox allot, and ate my own body weight in Freddo Frogs. Later that night i called my brother and we decided we were going to hang out the next day and go buy me some supplies with which to survive off ... and check out girls.

Saturday, yesterday, was one of the funnest days I've had in a while. I woke up to my neighbours kids running and screaming on my driveway. After telling them to fuck off i went and ate toast. I then played ODST until John came over and then we chilled and talked about stuff, the normal things like racism and me hating naive 14-15 year olds. Nico called and told me he was at the station, so i donned my short shorts and went off to meet him, it was windy as hell in the forest near my house and some branches from the surrounding trees were breaking and falling on the path in front of me, i liked it. Then when i got there we walked all the way back, talking shit and complaining about the wind. I washed the car down because it looked like a dust monster took a massive crap on the roof of it, then we grabbed our ipods and wallets and jumped in there car to go on our adventure to the ghetto shops and buy food and look at some eye candy. When we were in the food court some weird wog girls were calling my name from a table near the stairs that lead to the movies, i pretended not to hear them because I'm a social retard and don't know what to say to people. I ate McDonald's and Nico had burger king, i went with him because i thought the girl serving was pretty cute. She didn't give us much of a surprise with the drinks .. you'd think if you said "surprise me" when they ask you what drink you want they'd give something better than coke. We ate and went upstairs so Nico could smoke, on the way up i saw my ex .. she waved and my brother said "who's that" i replied with "an ex" he laughed and said "ooooh she did the dirty on you didn't she! well played sir" it was pretty epic. We then got my food and left, on the drive out of the car park we listened to Tearin' up my heart by Nsnyc.

Today, i did this.

end-

up'n atom

Once again, outside in the fandibulous sun getting my vitamin D on. Who knows, i may actually look semi healthy after all this sun exposure. Minor difference's from the last time i greeted you from out here though, I'm actually in the pool area on the deck, and i must say, the cosmic blog energy's are flowing well from this place. Some sort of feng shui for the Internet or something.?

I just accidentally deleted this whole paragraph, so I'm attempting to re-write it, it probably wont be as good as the first time i did it, and i must say the first time i wrote it, oh man. You're missing out. My clothes are currently in the washing machine, 3 pairs of jeans and 11 shirts, its pretty packed. Mum says i should start hanging my clothes out on the line, but the sun just cant dry clothes the way my dryer can, she drys them so well, and they remain soft and tight, the sun on the other hand does not, he makes them rough and loose. Nice comparison there Rhys. A little while ago i saw one of the most disgusting things Ive ever seen, and I've seen some pretty bad things, Snuff films & vegan converting videos, plus i live next door to Filipino's, they cook dogs and cats for din dins. Take that vegan man.

Whats that, you want to see it, aah who am i to deny you what you want!



Its pretty gross.

My sleeves are rolled up and my flesh is burning in the sun, nothings better than a cooked human arm in the morning. My cat just came prancing through the pool fence meowing, now shes grinding on my arm and getting jiggy to this music. Shes pretty much the coolest thing at my house right now.

I think this is enough for now, I'll crank out another one later if I'm up to it.

currents.

So I'm sitting outside in the light for a change, the day is really nice. My only complaint is that i lack someone to talk to, other than that everything is pretty swell.

In the reflection of my laptop screen i see my pool, and my parents attempts at being spiritual, an old, fat white Buddha. I just finished reading up on Yatch, triangle tattoo's sound pretty sweet. I wish the weather was like this all the time, Hot, Sunny and non-Windy. I hope its like this on Saturday, although i doubt I'll be paying much attention to the weather when i have such amazing company.

A car just rocked up to my crib, i have no idea who's in it or why they are here, its kind of creepy. I like the phrase Rocked Up, i think I'm going to start using it more often. The car is now gone, nobody got out, nobody got in. They just sat there on my driveway, just a tad weird.

Aaah, the winds picking up. Not a good thing, in my books at least.

Things To Look Forward To;
-13th (circular chills)
-21st (12pm launch odst)
-23rd (parents leave for Brisbane)
-1st (parents come home, thus bringing more food and souvenirs)

i go back to may, 1937

I see them standing at the formal gates of their colleges, I see my father strolling out under the ochre sandstone arch, the red tiles glinting like bent plates of blood behind his head, I see my mother with a few light books at her hip standing at the pillar made of tiny bricks with the wrought-iron gate still open behind her, its sword-tips black in the May air, they are about to graduate, they are about to get married, they are kids, they are dumb, all they know is they are innocent, they would never hurt anybody. I want to go up to them and say Stop, don't do it--she's the wrong woman, he's the wrong man, you are going to do things you cannot imagine you would ever do, you are going to do bad things to children, you are going to suffer in ways you never heard of, you are going to want to die. I want to go up to them there in the late May sunlight and say it, her hungry pretty blank face turning to me, her pitiful beautiful untouched body, his arrogant handsome blind face turning to me, his pitiful beautiful untouched body, but I don't do it.


I want to live. I take them up like the male and female paper dolls and bang them togetherat the hips like chips of flint as if tostrike sparks from them, I say;

Do what you are going to do, and I will tell about it.

el' chippo

The hippo, i dont know you very well but your probably the best person ive met for a while. Even though i flirt with your mum, and make your dad jealous, you still talk to me. And thats pretty cool hey. You know the keyboardist from Short Stack, thats also pretty cool, it just gets me one step closer to killing the lead singer for stealing my hair.

You and i should see each other more.

p.s You have no boyfriend, thats also pretty cool

ohman

And also !

I hate Brisbane for talking all the nice people, Sydney is full of retards.. nobodies genuine here.

life in cartoon motion-

I haven't really written anything in quite some time, i feel a sense of obligation to do so. I think i left off when my parents where going away, well they left, and came back already. It went by so quickly and all i did was eat and sleep, coupled with 360, TV and a smidgen of Internet use i suppose. Don't get me wrong, i had fun and everything, but i just wish it lasted longer. I'm not really a big fan of parental interaction, or any form of interaction really, unless there is a monitor and some keys to play with.

I'm planning on doing my HSC at tafe within the next few months, because i need a UAI to do my Bachelor of Applied Design course. It's going to take a while, but its worth it i guess. I mean, its not like these are my real life goals or anything, they just have to keep my parents and other "concerned" people at bay while i try to find motivation and drive. I think calling it a distraction sum's it up pretty well.

I like the idea of there being a Third Renaissance, with man engineering his own demise and what not. Sounds like the best party ever.

p.s, The tittle for this is from that raging homosexual singer, Mika's album.

new

Fun fact, i hate people who hide behind emotions that they don't even fully understand. Especially girls,

Life's great though, its like I'm having my own little mental Renaissance

-

I'm not destitute, I'm living like this by choice.

I cant stand to let you in

But i think i can attempt to,

So when i came home from The Plaza today, i wasn't just bringing home a bunch of useless stuff, i also had some new insight. The bulk of which, being that my parents think that life is a job, or vice versa. "You are how much money you make" i think that sums it up pretty well. Unluckily for me, i don't see it that way, i just want want to be able to look back on my life when I'm old and say "at least i was happy"

Right now, in life and what not.
I have no job nor do i go to school, i guess you could call me a bum. But I'm a happy bum, i am doing what i want to be doing right now, i have no aspirations or dreams, i would be perfectly fine just sitting here for the rest of my life, never going anywhere and never doing anything. People think "ow that would be boring" but to me, it isn't. Once you know what people are like you tend to find that happiness in solitude, is much better than being stuck in the masses and trying to keep up appearances and deal with drama, while at the same time trying to have fun.

I am only human however, and even if i don't want it to, it may all change one day. But for now these are my thoughts, influenced by something or not. It doesn't matter.

Hair cut

Yesterday when i was in the shower, i decided to stratigicly remove some sections of my hair. Its shorter everywhere, but it doesnt require me to constantly mess my hair around to keep it how i like it. It has been a two day project, the results are good so i cant complain.

In other news, my parents are going away this weekend, from saturday untill tuesday i think. That means one of two things will happen for me, my brother comes to visit for a day or two and we get the space gear going. Or i just stay up for a few days ordering pizza and talking to people ive never met on that useless website they call Myspace.

-While im on the subject of Myspace, you have no idea how much i hate it. Granted, it has introduced me to some of the people i now call friends and what not, but in essance its just a waste of time, id like to stop using it as often as i do. It only makes you become some obsessed little teen again, you want more and more friends and comments, just to hear how awesome you are.

I wrote this listening to Alot Like Vegas, so i guess thats why it has a volitile undertone.

Myspace, if your reading this .. i hate you as much as i hate L. sharpton.

For reasons unknown,

I keep thinking about this one moment in my life. It was when i was in year 3, at Walters road primary school, when things where simple and good.

I was with my old friend Matt, and we were talking to this new girl, but for the life of me i cant remember her name, for some reason "Tobie" comes to mind. Well anyway, we were talking about music or something, and it started to rain so we ran under a shelter that my school had so graciously blessed us with. She said she liked Freak on a Leash, and me, being the childish guy i was, teased her about it. She chased me around in the rain untill she got tired, by then the rain had slowed till it was barely there at all.The sun came through the clouds and lit up everything just right, we left it there and decided to go home.

When i got home i went on with my usual after school "routine", if you can even call it that, all i did was watch t.v and eat junk food untill my dad came home. Thats when life was nice.

The image of her standing there as the sun came through the clouds is still there in my memory, and i suppose its one of my fondest thoughts. I like that one of the most simple, meaningless things at the time, can be one of the happiest times in my life now, as i look back.

I just wish i could remember her name so i could do something gay like myspace her.

p.s
I deleted my old blogspot and made this, starting again.